Sorry boys, Clear Channel isn't interested in your 8 and a half minute magnum opus. But cut that shit down to 2:40 and now we're talking.

(1:03)

We've heard of late night chilling with other artists, but full band sleepovers??? I smell an indie pillow fight. (00:46)

It's tough dating someone who abhors your art, but marrying a gal who only sometimes hates your music, that's probably ok. (00:39)

Too bad Ray Charles was blind and not deaf, or else he never would have known you had ripped off his song when you were 7.

(00:37)

Don't you just hate it when an important, potentially planet saving social movement becomes trendy? Ugh! (00:30)

Homeschooling - producing the world's politest assholes since 1869.

(00:22)

Calling Death Cab For Cutie "indie" is kind of like how you still call Muhammad Ali "champ" when you see him.

(00:38)

Unlike it's prudish cousin indie film, indie rock spreads her legs for just about anyone.

(00:46)

It's no longer lame to name Radiohead as your major influence, citing the "it's so lame that it's now become cool" principle. Bon Jovi still does not apply, though.

(00:23)

When attempting to kick your least favorite septuagenarian newsman's ass, make sure it's really him and not Mickey Rooney. That's just embarrassing. (1:12)