Fred's pal may have landed his 7th grade crush, but who's laughing now, asshole? (00:27)

Why is the radio so much better in England than HERE IN the U.S.? Because we're too busy inventing silly things like, you know, THE INTERNET, and DENTAL CARE. (00:50)

8 years ago, the cruelest, most drawn-out practical joke in history was started. (00:34)

Rex's in West Chester, PA - it's like Cheers with great music, minus the wacky drunken mailman and the psychiatrist with a severe drinking problem. (1:17)

Not all artists use their residual money to buy cocaine. Some use it to make the world a better place (and the rest on cocaine). (00:42)

If the South secedes again, we'll trade you Boston for Austin. You get the Red Sox and the Patriots, we get South By Southwest? Whaddaya say, the South? (00:26)

You can't keep Fred from rockin' out to some George Michael, and you can't keep George Michael from cockin' out in some public bathroom. (00:28)

Vegan Cheesesteak? That sounds almost as crazy as a meat salad, with roast beef instead of lettuce, and meatballs for tomatoes. Mmmm... meat salad... (00:20)

Fred knows the secret to attracting new fans - Hey kids look, free album! (00:35)

The Secret Service is on the lookout for a certain shirtless, spandex-clad guitarist who may or may not be holding an easily-dentable folding chair. (00:45)