Isn't religion wonderful? It allows even the most incompetent of people to become leaders of the free world. (1:02)

Chris has a message for the Philadelphia Zoning Commission: thank you for being such strict, unwavering assholes. (00:40)

The good news - Philadelphia's old factories are being torn down. The bad news - they're being replaced by condos. Unaffected by any of this - The Rocky Statue. (00:50)

I know it's against the law to fuck a corpse, but how about fighting one? What if he was REALLY asking for it? (00:27)

Chris ponders the age old question: Is porn art? Here's a better one: Can I get a grant to practice it? (00:48)

Nobody better get between Andrew and his Rocky Road. NOBODY. (00:18)

Wouldn't it be funny if Bush really did receive a message from heaven telling him to become President, but it was just God's drunk friends pulling a prank while He was in the can?

(00:45)

"How do those drums sound to you?" "Like shit!" "Great!" (00:27)

What did people do before the internet was around? I don't know, there was nothing on Wikipedia about that.

(00:33)

Would YOU want to be on a ship as it slowly sank into the ocean?

(00:36)